This moron has been chatting me up for months. I usually don't waste much time with him because he's essentially a broke faggot, but once in a while I do get something out of him.
Pushover Foot Loser: Would You allow it to give You a few dollars more, Perfect Superior? It recently came into a windfall, and could use the cash, but...
AndYouLookStupid: Sure, jackass. Send it as an Amazon Gift Card to: [email protected]
Pushover Foot Loser: Guess I'll eat stale bread for another week.
AndYouLookStupid: lol... It's what you deserve.
AndYouLookStupid: Maybe some begging on the street will do you good, too.
Pushover Foot Loser: You think it will, Sir?
Pushover Foot Loser: At this rate it may have to start begging...
AndYouLookStupid: Either that, or digging through garbage bins. As long as my feet are taken care of - you can live in a fuckin dumpster, for all I care.
Pushover Foot Loser: You're going to drive Your expensive gas-guzzling luxury vehicle to have Your feet pampered at my expense, while I scrounge through the trash to find something edible.
Pushover Foot Loser: How fucking pathetic.
AndYouLookStupid: Pathetic? No, it's funny.
Pushover Foot Loser: It's funny for You, Majestic God...
AndYouLookStupid: It's how it should be.
Pushover Foot Loser: Maybe You can get the pedicure shavings sent over in a Baggie.
AndYouLookStupid: I should start saving them and selling them on eBay. I'm sure there are other idiots like you who would pay for them.
Pushover Foot Loser: How much do divine reliquaries go for these days?
Pushover Foot Loser: Your toenails alone are worth their weight in good.
Pushover Foot Loser: Gold.
AndYouLookStupid: That's enough. Shut up and send the gift card.
Pushover Foot Loser: I'm trying to get my Internet to work, hold on Sir.
Pushover Foot Loser: it works, Sir!
Pushover Foot Loser: yes! I can embarrass myself by going hungry for you!
Pushover Foot Loser: what was the address?
AndYouLookStupid: [email protected]
Pushover Foot Loser: The order was placed, O Perfect God.
Pushover Foot Loser: ...fuck... did I just do that?
AndYouLookStupid: Great. Can't wait to get the email and laugh.
Pushover Foot Loser: oh my God, I kind of needed that money
Pushover Foot Loser: but I'm such a fucking pushover..
AndYouLookStupid: LOL.
AndYouLookStupid: What an idiot.
Pushover Foot Loser: are you really gonna use that to get a pedicure, Your Majesty?
AndYouLookStupid: Maybe. But I want you to find a new place for me to get it done.
AndYouLookStupid: Not only will you pay for it, you'll do the research on where I should go.
Pushover Foot Loser: I'm gonna do all the work for you, huh?
AndYouLookStupid: Again, it's the way it should be.
Pushover Foot Loser: You should get my confused loser face screenprinted onto the soles of whatever sandals you wear to your pedicure
AndYouLookStupid: Nice.
Pushover Foot Loser: Maybe the insole? which do you think would be funnier for You, Sir?
AndYouLookStupid: along with your name
AndYouLookStupid: I like the idea of your face on the sole. I'd enjoy checking it every day after wearing them for a few hours outside.
Pushover Foot Loser: Oh, my God...
Pushover Foot Loser: my face and name would wear away, slowly...
Pushover Foot Loser: while Your perfect royal feet flourished on top of me.
AndYouLookStupid: LOL. You sent $28?
AndYouLookStupid: What a stupid amount. lol
Pushover Foot Loser: for a stupid doormat, Sir.
Pushover Foot Loser: I was gonna send 30, Sir, but... I thought 28 would make You laugh.
AndYouLookStupid: lol.. You were right. At least you know how to do that.
Pushover Foot Loser: plus, it might be funny to you that my finances are so low that the 2 dollars really does make a difference.
AndYouLookStupid: lol... Too fuckin funny.
Pushover Foot Loser: I love the thought of you driving in that giant car, burning up slave cash
Pushover Foot Loser: and smirking as You step on the gas pedal, crushing my face into the machine.
AndYouLookStupid: Ha. Yeah, and when I see a homeless guy on the street, I'll blast my horn at him and think of you.
Pushover Foot Loser: You should take HIS money.
AndYouLookStupid: He's probably broke. Most of them are just human garbage.
Pushover Foot Loser: wow, You are a cruel God.
AndYouLookStupid: Life can be harsh, clown boy.
Pushover Foot Loser: I AM Your clown, huh, Sir?
Pushover Foot Loser: Do You want to call me "it"? which would be funniest for you?
AndYouLookStupid: Yep. You're a clown, a jester, and a doormat.
AndYouLookStupid: Which means you at least have more value than the worthless, homeless guy.
Pushover Foot Loser: because I can make superiors laugh...
Pushover Foot Loser: there's always that...
Pushover Foot Loser: god, you make it feel low.
AndYouLookStupid: Yep. All you need is a clown or jester hat and some stupid music in the background.
Pushover Foot Loser: You sitting on a big cushioned throne, drinking champagne and eating expensive fruits
Pushover Foot Loser: tossing the rinds at me.
Pushover Foot Loser: as I dance like an idiot.
AndYouLookStupid: You can work your way up to servant if you do a good job.
Pushover Foot Loser: You mean it?!
Pushover Foot Loser: what's the difference in job description?
Pushover Foot Loser: as long as they're both humiliating and involve being smushed like a rotten fruit under Your feet as You laugh.
Pushover Foot Loser: http://www.yelp.com/biz/salon-119-and-spa-palm-springs
AndYouLookStupid: Good choice. I've actually been there a couple of times for $100 facials.
Pushover Foot Loser: ...$100 facials... that's... nearly my food budget for the month.
AndYouLookStupid: A servant isn't considered to be a buffoon like you are now.
Pushover Foot Loser: do You like Your servants eager to please, eager to perform for You?
AndYouLookStupid: Serving me is good enough. Bringing my food, washing my clothes, cleaning my toilet, etc.
Pushover Foot Loser: While You relax and enjoy the fruits of their labor.
Pushover Foot Loser: The Men's pedicure here is 48, Sir...
AndYouLookStupid: That sounds about right. It'll be nice to not have to listen to the Vietnamese immigrant woman who did the last couple of them. She's cheap, but she won't shut up and let me relax.
Pushover Foot Loser: ...wow, so I'm going to starve and humiliate myself to satisfy your entitled racist demands?
Pushover Foot Loser: that's upsetting and very hot.
Pushover Foot Loser: that makes me angry but I crave it.
AndYouLookStupid: lol... What was racist about what I said? (Actually, I don't care what you think, but go ahead and amuse me. )
Pushover Foot Loser: You are annoyed with her for being loud as a Vietnamese woman. Maybe it's not racist, but I feel there's some passive racism happening.
Pushover Foot Loser: Which is upsettingly cool with me, like it irritates me but I think "well, he IS right now matter what..."
AndYouLookStupid: lol.. She's getting paid to do a job, not tell me stories that I can't even understand.
Pushover Foot Loser: You're absolutely right, Your Highness.
Pushover Foot Loser: I will slap myself for even trying to disagree with You.
AndYouLookStupid: It's hard to have respect for someone who's kneeling at my feet over a tub of hot water, practically kissing them.
Pushover Foot Loser: God, I want to be that loser...
AndYouLookStupid: lol... You should look into being a pedicurist.
Pushover Foot Loser: That would amuse you, huh, Sir?
AndYouLookStupid: Yes, but it also sounds like it's your calling in life.
Pushover Foot Loser: All these nasty people, women too, ugh, and old gross men... coming in to have me pamper their feet.
Pushover Foot Loser: I know some of the older men would look down at me, this cute young gay thing
Pushover Foot Loser: maybe smirk, stroke my face with their wet toes
Pushover Foot Loser: and begin jacking it beneath their jeans...
AndYouLookStupid: You could be a manicurist as well. You'd probably enjoy painting the women's fingernails. haha...
Pushover Foot Loser: make me feel humiliated. all so I could take the pittance of a paycheck and deposit it into your account.
Pushover Foot Loser: yeah, probably, actually
Pushover Foot Loser: I love painting nails haha
AndYouLookStupid: Well then it would be a perfect fit.
AndYouLookStupid: I'd even come see you when I don't need a pedicure - just to watch you kneeling at some other's guys' feet.
Pushover Foot Loser: jesus that's low...
Pushover Foot Loser: gotta go, Sir.
Pushover Foot Loser is typing...
Pushover Foot Loser: enjoy Your pedicure.
AndYouLookStupid: Okay, idiot. Have a shitty day. :D